Who Needs Reality TV?

   In our family, going on vacation is like jumping into a reality TV show. It’s always the little things that happen on family vacations that make for good stories. This past week, our annual family reunion at the lake was no different. We certainly proved that some of the best family stories can be created when a casual activity turns into some sort of funny situation.

   Like playing Catch Phrase, for instance. Usually people just spew out whatever comes into their heads, but that can be risky when my head is involved. On round 16, the word was “protein” and my uncle was trying to describe it: “Ok, it’s things like meat, fish, eggs, peanut butter…” when I shouted “Animal products!”
 

  Duh, everyone knows peanut butter is an animal product. 

   Then after my friend Jo had described the word “carrot sticks,” I got “fish sticks,” so I said, “It’s what Jo said, but they swim!” Carrot-stick fish? Sea cucumbers? Nobody knew what I was getting at. It’s always entertaining playing that game with a blonde.

   And then since it was a stormy night, I suggested watching a nice family movie: Newsies. I figured it was pretty kid-friendly, and everyone loves musicals with big song and dance numbers, right? (And of course, the 18-year-old Christian Bale). Well apparently not. It instead sparked an hour-long argument among the adults about labor unions and the historical accuracy of the movie’s depiction of the time period. Sigh. Truth be told, though, it was pretty amusing for us kids as we sat back and watched them.

   But my favorite episode of the trip was the pontoon boat ride. At first, the people at the boat rental put us on an ancient, run-down fisherman’s boat with a door missing, an entire broken side, rickety seats, and which the kid helping us said he “hated putting families on.” Awesome. I felt like I should kiss the shore farewell, since it seemed like we had a slim chance of coming back.

   We actually asked for another one since we had younger kids on board, and they upgraded us to a smaller but nicer boat. In record time we were transferred and ready to set sail. But five minutes into the relaxing ride, my uncle, who was steering, said, “Hey guys…um we’re out of gas.” We all laughed and rolled our eyes. Good one. Until he said, “No, I’m NOT kidding. The boat stalled out and I can’t even steer it.” He wasn’t joking. We were already drifting closer and closer to a floating flag marker. (Fortunately my aunt heroically batted it away with an oar.) We quickly called the rental place, explained our dilemma, and got the diagnosis: there was no gas tank in the boat.

  Well then. Guess that would explain it.

   Apparently, the people before us had messed with it, and in the quick transfer our buddy had forgotten to check to see if we had one. I mean, I guess it’s an easy thing to forget…a huge red container that sits right in plain sight and, um, makes the boat go. But during the 20-minute wait for our rescue, we kept busy by constantly trying to distribute the weight evenly so the boat wouldn’t capsize. As we ate cheese and crackers.

   Finally we saw our rescuers on the horizon…plugging along in (yep, you guessed it) the old fisherman’s boat. They brought along the missing tank and hooked it up, and we continued on. Nothing else happened really, except getting pulled over by the U.S. Coast Guard. Just a routine security check, but jeez, what a dramatic boat ride.      

    So the moral of the story is next time you go on vacation, remember to jot down the little events that happen; you can’t make that stuff up, and it usually turns into priceless memories later. Oh, and always check to make sure you have a gas tank in the boat.