Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Tales of A Blonde Waitress



(from Pinterest.com)

   Waitressing in a small upscale restaurant certainly has its perks, like going home with leftover filet mignon. But that little piece of meat is hardly compensation for the blonde dilemmas I face serving five-course meals. 

   My family rarely eats out, unless you count Taco Bell.  So you can imagine my difficulty with 5-star dining. It's hard enough to remember that the wine glass goes above the knife (or was that the spoon?), much less to remember "serve right, clear left" when space is tight.

   So naturally, I've had some minor infractions of the laws of fine dining:
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    Like the time I cleared a cute young guy’s chopsticks right before we served the Chinese course. 
But don’t worry, I replaced them just in time and I imagine he marveled at what an attentive waitress I was to get him the freshest pair possible. 

   Or the night that I filled a couple’s water glasses three different times, and each time picked the exact moment that they were holding hands across the table and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes. I almost felt like I should ask if they wanted a photo of the three of us enjoying the night. 

   Then there are the multiple times I’ve cleared plates and forgotten to hold on to the silverware. I could only hope the melodic crash of metal gave a resounding finish to the sultry jazz piece in the background, but usually people turned and glared at me.
   ****
   These offenses don’t warrant any serious penalties but the next two might be enough to have my “waitress license” revoked.  

   The first one happened when I was clearing plates from a table for four. One man was still eating to my left as I stacked plates up in my right hand. As I turned to leave, my left hand for some reason swung out. In a split second, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the man put his hand to his mouth, and heard him chuckle and say to me, “Oh, sorry.”

   As I strode to the kitchen, I noticed my hand was wet. And then I realized...yep, you guessed it, I had timed it just right, so that in the instant the man had opened his mouth to take a bite, my hand had brushed across his tongue. 

   I stayed in the kitchen until I could compose myself from laughing (and get over the grossness of it), then peeked out to see if he was reporting me. He seemed perfectly fine! But I couldn’t bear the embarrassment of even getting near that table the rest of the evening.

   My second catastrophe had to do with water glasses. The close quarters of the place meant that I had to reach across a male patron to get his glass and bring it towards me to fill it. I carefully held the glass over the table and started pouring.

   It was at precisely that moment that my mind decided it needed a vacation. 

   I don’t know why, but I completely stopped paying attention.

   It was a short vacation—3 seconds--but when I returned, I was still pouring and the glass was  overflowing like a fountain, onto my hands, into a puddle on the table! Startled, I ran to get a towel. 

   But that wasn’t the worst. I suddenly remembered the rule “water glass on the right”, and so embarked on the agonizingly slow journey of pushing the brimming water glass all the way across the table in front of the man to get to his right. 

   I was hoping the customers would just think I had some kind of depth-perception problem, but I proved to them that I was just being blonde. I said afterwards, “I’m so sorry; it came out faster than usual.”


   Well that’s all the shameful stories I have for now…but if I’m not out of a job soon, I'll be sure to post more of them!

Monday, September 22, 2014

When Your Strength Is Low...


   (from Pinterest.com)

   So I know I haven’t been very good with updating on here lately, but since school is in full swing, unfortunately, I haven’t had time to post very often. 

   But anyway, one thing I’ve been doing recently is highlighting every verse in the Bible I find about the strength that the Lord gives us.

   With the stress of schoolwork starting to build up, the days getting harder to push through, the lack of sleep often depleting our energy, and whatever other obstacles we face this time of year, I think we all need an extra amount of strength for our spirits. If you agree, here’s some verses to encourage you.

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“Draw your strength from the Lord and from His mighty power.
Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil.” -Eph. 6:10-11

“Though I thought I had toiled in vain and for nothing uselessly spent my strength, yet my reward is with the Lord, my recompense is with my God.” -Isaiah 49:4

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
-Philippians 4:13


“The Lord is my strength and my shield, in whom my heart trusted and found help. So my heart rejoices; with my song I praise God.” -Psalm 28:7


“Look to the Lord in His strength; seek to serve Him constantly.” 
-1 Chronicles 16:11

“O Lord, have pity on us, for you we wait. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of trouble.” -Isaiah 33:2

“The God of all grace who called you to His eternal glory through Christ will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you after you have suffered a little." -I Peter 5:10

“My strength and my courage is the Lord, and He has been my savior. He is my God, I praise him.” -Exodus 15:2

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   Hope that helps! (And eat some chocolate too...it's a sure way to restore your energy!) 


Saturday, September 13, 2014

The Melodrama of Math


   Remember when I said I stink less at English than Math?
   
   Yeah, well let me expound on that a little…
   
  
   Today I worked an hour straight on one stupid algebra problem and at the end of it gave a huge sigh of relief and satisfaction because I just knew it was right.

   But of course…it wasn’t. Surprise, surprise.

   
   Maybe it’s pure talent that I can contrive a solution to a problem that is so off the mark, I can’t even tell which problem I was solving in the first place.

  This has happened to me way too many times: 


   I’m pretty sure my lack of math skills is connected to my incompetency at baking. All that measuring and dividing...
   
  Once my friend and I were baking cookies and we had to cut the recipe in half because we didn’t have enough flour for a whole one. We did okay until we got to “1/3 cup” for one of the ingredients. We both stared blankly at the page, then at each other, then back at the page. 
   Fifteen minutes later, we still couldn’t figure out what half of 1/3 was. (Needless to say, math isn’t her strong point either).  Finally, she smiled at me and whispered one little word…“Google.” Lazy man's way out, I know. But hey, we had cookies to bake.
   
   This has also happened to me, although it was with mashed potatoes (that's a story for another time):


   And I have to say, this one made me crack up:

   
   It’s happened a few times when I’m shopping with my mom. She catches an overcharge right away, but it whooshes right past me. I'd probably pay $20 for a teabag if they asked me.
   
   But I think my worst math horror story was the time I was helping out at a neighbor’s garage sale, and they put me in charge of the cash register. What a cruel joke. I actually managed to survive the first couple of hours without any embarrassing episodes (mostly because people made purchases that were all rounded to the nearest dollar...so making change was simple enough).
   But then a gentleman came up and his total came to $3.50, so he gave me a $5 bill. Big uh-oh. If he hadn't been in such a hurry, watching me like a hawk, I would have been fine. But my brain checked out, and in a panic, I handed him $2.50 back.  He smiled and kept his hand held out with the money. 
   I knew something was wrong, but for the life of me I couldn’t think what. I fumbled around and said something dumb like, “Oh I gave you wrong change, didn’t I?” He nodded and just stood there, expecting me to fix it. I took back 50 cents and I could just see him laughing hysterically in his head. 
   I think he then realized I had no clue what to do, and he was kind enough to complete my utter humiliation by taking the time to do the one thing I hate the most: he walked me through the problem.
   
   I wanted to die right there. Oh the shame…
   
  And so continues my ongoing saga of math struggles and fiascos.
   
   My words of wisdom to you: work hard at your math.
   
   If you don’t, you’d better be okay with ruined cookies, a depleted bank account because of overcharge, a surplus of cooked pasta, and the ignominy of not being able to count back change.

   

Monday, September 8, 2014

Monday Morning Cup o' Joe

(from Pinterest.com)

   It's that time of year again…

   When you think, “The weekend can’t come soon enough”…and it’s only Monday.

   I guess that’s where coffee comes in.

   My Monday morning cup o’ Joe was a Pumpkin Spice blend my mom brewed for me. First Autumn treat of the year :) 

   Of course coffee helps me get revved up for the day, but I know I need more than just a daily espresso to drink, I need an espresso for the soul.

   Every morning, I need Him to kindle in my heart the fire of His love, as one prayer says.

   Without His power and aid, my day falls apart.

   It says in Psalm 127:
   "Unless the Lord build the house, they labor in vain
   who build. 
   Unless the Lord guard the city, in vain does the
   guard keep watch." 


   I have to completely surrender all my plans and endeavors to Him to allow Him to work through me and accomplish His will for that day.

   I encourage you to do the same, even if it seems scary at first. 

   This prayer by Saint Ignatius of Loyola might help:

   "Take, Lord, and receive,
   My memory, my understanding, my entire will. 
   All that I have and possess. 
   You have given all to me. 
   To You I return it. 
   Dispose of it entirely according to Your will.
   Give me only Your love and Your grace.
   With these I will be rich enough 
   And will desire nothing more. Amen." 

   Have a great Monday!