That Loathsome Time of Day

     I am not a morning person.

   It takes me a good half hour to actually communicate beyond grunting. But I think I'm not the only one who doesn't always enjoy that lovely little process called getting up.

   It begins at the time of night when all the world is bliss.

   

   It’s dark, quiet, peaceful.

   

   After hours of restlessness and discomfort, your body has finally reached the perfect temperature and position.

   

   You’re sleeping soundly at last and in the middle of an absolutely incredible dream: a heart-warming romance, an exhilarating adventure, a Broadway show in which you’re the star, etc.

   

   You’re practically bursting with excitement as your big moment comes.

   

   Then it happens.

   

   Just as you’re about to become president, sing a show-shopping number, or walk down the aisle, a far-off honking sound slowly starts to become pronounced in the scene. You brush it off, thinking it just an off-key instrument in the band.

   

   But it grows so loud that you are finally forced to open your eyes and partially come back to consciousness, startled at the sudden disruption of your paradise.

   You look around you and all the excitement is shattered. 

   

   You realize to your horror the only thing true about your dream is the blaring noise you heard…and it’s coming from within 5 inches of your face, from that demonic device appropriately named “Alarm clock”.

   It’s no wonder heart disease is the number one cause of deaths in the U.S.; we all begin each morning with a heart attack.

   You mutter every possible insult  you can think  of  to it, while you sleep-crawl over to turn the darn thing off.

   You lay back down after the difficult job and begin the method of “compromising”. Meaning the thought process on how many morning routines you can cut out to allow more time in bed. 

   “I don’t really need a shower today, I took one yesterday. That gives me 15 more minutes.”

   “I’ll just wear what I’ve worn for the past 3 days. No one cares.  There’s 5 more minutes.”

   “Heck, I don’t need to wait for toast, I’ll just eat it cold with peanut butter. Okay 7 more minutes.”

   “I’ll buy a cup of coffee instead of making it. 3 more minutes.”

   It’s amazing what you can economize on when the question of more sleep is involved.

   

   Finally, after a good extra 25 minutes in bed, you literally heave yourself out and stumble like you're drunk into the day.

   Thus begins a beautiful new day and no one ever knows what a rollercoaster of emotion you went through that morning.

   If somehow you have a way of miraculously overcoming this dreadful occurrence, let me know.  But until then, just do me a favor and don't schedule anyone for early morning appointments...it makes the inevitable task a hundred times harder.